Well today is March 2, 2011. I haven't posted in a very long time. Life has been continuing to change and challenge me and there have been bumps along the way, but I am learning day by day to take them as the come and to grown and learn from everything that comes my way.
My divorce was final on February 18, 2011. It has been a long road filled with a gamut of emotions. One day I am mad, one day I am sad, but in the end I know that where I am at now is exactly where I am supposed to be. I can't change what has happened in the past, I can learn from the mistakes that were made in my marriage and move forward. The week before the hearing was full of anxiety and anticipation. If you have never had to be a part of a court hearing, especially a divorce hearing, it is an especially uncomfortable thing. The week leading up to it was stressful, I think mainly because of the unknown. Knowing that I was going to be required to testify, not knowing what questions I would be asked, and just not knowing the outcome. I found myself praying almost constantly that God would just give me the strength and the grace to get through that day, that I knew once it was over I would feel a great sense of relief. The day came, I took the stand, and I answered a lot of questions that were very uncomfortable, and I did the best I could. The most difficult part was being cross-examined, as they job of the opposing attorney is to make me look bad, and as I answered the questions he asked me, I kept telling myself, "this is his job, he is fighting for what someone Else's wants, so stay calm, and you can do this" Once it was over with and we sat in front of the judge listening to everything he had decided for the termination of our marriage, I just couldn't help but think, after 19 years with someone, how sad is it that this is what it has come to, you have such a poor way of communicating that you have to let someone else decide what is best for your family. I will say though, that as I walked out of the courtroom as Julie Anne Garcia I felt that this tremendous weight had been lifted from me. I honestly felt for the first time in longer than I can remember like I could move on. That I was not this helpless, and worthless women that I had felt like for so long. That I had the power to move on from this and come out of it stronger.
So today I am looking at my life and thinking, "Wow, I am so blessed" I have 3 amazing kids. Christopher, my only son, and my oldest child, is amazing, I watch the man he is becoming and everyday I thank God that he is who he is. He is much like me in his temperament, he is very quiet for the most part, non-confrontational, but so funny. He can always make me laugh, even when I am in the worst mood. I see him growing into a young man, and all I can think is, "Wow, I can remember when he was born, I truly never knew you could love someone so much" until I held him in my arms. Then there is Alyssa, she is beautiful and so not like me. She is not afraid to say what is on her mind and in her heart. I have seen such a strength and conviction in her in the last year, that words truly cannot explain my pride. She is a young woman who is not willing to compromise her beliefs and her moral conviction just to make someone else happy. I look at her and sometimes wish I had her courage. I hope that she truly knows how proud I am of the strength she has shown. Gabrielle Anne, my "baby girl" has had to grow up and deal with things that I wish she didn't have to deal with. She has a beautiful heart and just loves everyone. She is a tender soul, and never wants to hurt any one's feelings. She still likes to snuggle with me, and I have to cherish those moments because before I know it she will be a teenager and I won't be her first choice to hang out with.
I guess in my rambling the point I am trying to make is that though a chapter of my life has ended, a new one is beginning, and though that last chapter was painful and difficult at times, it also brought me great joy many other times and I have vowed to look back on the last chapter and try to focus only on the things that were joyful . Dwelling on everything that caused me pain, will not help me to move forward, it will only prevent it. So I thank God for all of the lessons I have learned, all the gifts I have been given, and am looking ahead with anticipation and excitement to see what comes next.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
It's been awhile...
since I posted last, not because I haven't wanted to, just because life is busy and I feel some days like I am being pulled in 100 different directions. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and feel so blessed by what I am fortunate enough to have in my life, just wish sometimes we could slow down and take a breath!
So for many of you that know me...my weight has been a struggle for me for most of my adult life. I have been up and down and up and down, and I have determined in the last 10 months or so that this was not so much from a lack of discipline as it was a lack of self esteem and self worth. I think there were so many things over the course of my adult life that made me doubt my self worth that it constantly hindered my pursuit of being healthy and being strong, not only physically but also emotionally. It is amazing how you can lose who you are over time, swallowed up in sadness and just one day you look in the mirror and you don't even recognize yourself anymore. You don't smile, you feel unloved, and you think well if they don't care about me why bother taking care of myself. This is destructive and takes time to rebuild, but is so necessary to succeed on this journey. Things happen in life that force you to really look at yourself, and in the last year I have determined this, no one can make me feel good about myself but me. I needed to learn to love myself again, and forgive myself for not being able to survive my marriage and pull it all together, this is not something I could do on my own, I had forgive myself for the selfish mistakes I had made, and I had to resign myself to the fact that I could not change my past, but that I need to focus on making my future and the future of my family much better. That is is my job to take care of myself and in doing that I am taking care of everyone that I love as well. I am a mother, I need to show my children the importance of good physical, emotional, and spiritual health. It is my job and there is no excuse for failing. So on this journey of self worth I have determined in order to get my health back I had to get my mind right. It is an everyday process.
So as the year began I started to really focus on daily prayer, working out on a daily basis, even when I didn't feel like it and really cleaning up my eating. This is not to say I never have foods I love, because I totally do. Depriving yourself of the things you love, will only set you up to fail. I resigned myself to the fact that I need to work out and eat clean 6-days a week-NO EXCUSES! The funny thing was, once I had found a peace in where I was in my personal life, everything else just seemed to fall into place. As I began to work out, I got stronger and the weight began to come off. I started the year wanting to lose 80lbs-and it seemed so insurmountable...but now I am half way there and the last 40-well I know they will come because I am exactly where I need to be in every aspect of my life. The only thing i need to work on now-EARLY MORNING RISING TO GET MY WORKOUTS IN AT 5AM! Wish me luck!!
So for many of you that know me...my weight has been a struggle for me for most of my adult life. I have been up and down and up and down, and I have determined in the last 10 months or so that this was not so much from a lack of discipline as it was a lack of self esteem and self worth. I think there were so many things over the course of my adult life that made me doubt my self worth that it constantly hindered my pursuit of being healthy and being strong, not only physically but also emotionally. It is amazing how you can lose who you are over time, swallowed up in sadness and just one day you look in the mirror and you don't even recognize yourself anymore. You don't smile, you feel unloved, and you think well if they don't care about me why bother taking care of myself. This is destructive and takes time to rebuild, but is so necessary to succeed on this journey. Things happen in life that force you to really look at yourself, and in the last year I have determined this, no one can make me feel good about myself but me. I needed to learn to love myself again, and forgive myself for not being able to survive my marriage and pull it all together, this is not something I could do on my own, I had forgive myself for the selfish mistakes I had made, and I had to resign myself to the fact that I could not change my past, but that I need to focus on making my future and the future of my family much better. That is is my job to take care of myself and in doing that I am taking care of everyone that I love as well. I am a mother, I need to show my children the importance of good physical, emotional, and spiritual health. It is my job and there is no excuse for failing. So on this journey of self worth I have determined in order to get my health back I had to get my mind right. It is an everyday process.
So as the year began I started to really focus on daily prayer, working out on a daily basis, even when I didn't feel like it and really cleaning up my eating. This is not to say I never have foods I love, because I totally do. Depriving yourself of the things you love, will only set you up to fail. I resigned myself to the fact that I need to work out and eat clean 6-days a week-NO EXCUSES! The funny thing was, once I had found a peace in where I was in my personal life, everything else just seemed to fall into place. As I began to work out, I got stronger and the weight began to come off. I started the year wanting to lose 80lbs-and it seemed so insurmountable...but now I am half way there and the last 40-well I know they will come because I am exactly where I need to be in every aspect of my life. The only thing i need to work on now-EARLY MORNING RISING TO GET MY WORKOUTS IN AT 5AM! Wish me luck!!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Some things are just out of our control.....
My blog yesterday was a little intense and I know that for some people it was shocking and it was hurtful. I want to take today to apologize to the people that it may have hurt. These are people that I have known for many, many years, that are my family and that I truly love with all of my heart. Please know in posting that it was not to hurt you, and to be honest once I started posting, all of these feelings and thoughts just came out and it was like a rush of emotion being bottled up for the last 15 years released. It was freeing for me, though maybe I could have handled it better.
The thing is that over the last year or so there have been many changes in my family. Our family dynamic changed drastically and the people that I love so deeply and have been a part of my life for basically my entire adult life, well their roles in my life is changed now, and this is all new to me. Sometimes I don't know what the right thing to say is anymore, what is okay to say, when is it going to far, because you are not just my family and I don't ever want anyone to feel like they have to choose sides. Marriages are hard, anyone who says they aren't and that they are always full of joy and love and laughter is not being honest. When the fall apart and they crumble to the ground the damage is not only done to the 2 people who are a couple, but the families that loved them both so much and really wanted to see them go the distance. I don't think, or at least I hope, that no one gets married with the feeling that, "Hey I am going to give this a shot, but if it doesn't work out, I always have an out, I can get a divorce" I know I didn't, even though I was very young when I got married, I thought, "Yep, this is him, this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with", and the truth is I felt that in my heart from the depths of my soul, but you know sometimes even the best of intentions are not enough to survive the storms that pass through our lives. Sometimes there is just so much hurt that you can't recover together, if the desire is not there for both people, it just isn't possible to recover together and come out stronger. And even when you know that your marriage is over and you can't go back and that being together is not the best thing for you, you need to let go, it doesn't make it easier. Every day is like a roller coaster. One day you are completely at peace, and the next day something triggers a memory of the life you shared and you can't stop crying and you can't get the image out of your mind. So even though you know in your head the decision you are making is the best for you and your family, your heart may not always agree. I also do not believe it is ever God's will for a couple that has been married in the Church to separate. We may trick ourselves into thinking this, but listen when a priest or pastor says, "What God has joined together let no man put asunder" that is powerful stuff. That is God saying I have joined you 2 for life. The problem is Satan creeps into our lives and we have free will, so instead of putting our faith in God, we succumb to the temptations brought into our lives by Satan, and before you know it we are fighting and we don't know if we still love each other. There in lies our "easy out" of divorce. Even today, I think ....what if God worked some amazing miracle in my heart and in the heart of the person I love, and yes I say love, because it would be a complete lie if I said to you after spending 19 years with someone I stopped loving him in the last 9 months, would I welcome the gift to save my marriage. The answer, if I have to be honest, is yes. Even after all of the pain and hurt that I have felt, to live my life in a fruitful marriage that God desires is my ultimate goal. I understand that at this point, that is probably not going to happen, so I have to continue to move on.
One of the hard things for me is that I had a family associated with my marriage, and awesome family who I love very much. One of the most difficult parts of ending a marriage is that you not only feel like you are losing a husband but you are losing a mother, a father, a grandmother, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews. We all say things aren't going to change, we will always love each other, but as the days pass and the time grows further from the last time we saw each other, little by little things change. You feel like as much as you don't want it to happen, you are losing these people that have meant so much to you little by little. The thought of being replaced is sometimes very painful. Though it has never been said, as it doesn't have to be, the truth is your place in that family, at family Christmas', at birthday parties, at Thanksgiving, at Easter....every important event is now being attended by someone else. It is the way life evolves and we can not control it, all that we can do is ask for God's grace to handle it in the best way that we possibly can. I will miss all the holidays that brought so much joy into my life, but I do have the memories that I will hold in my heart forever. These are people that loved me for me, in spite of my faults or my quirks. I will forever be grateful that God brought them into my life and that I had the opportunity to be a part of their lives for such a long time. They have given me great joy, and loved me, and strengthened me, without even knowing it. I only wish I had been given the opportunity to tell them just how much they mean to me and how much I will miss having them in my life on a regular basis.
This brings me to the post yesterday, as I said, I realized after the fact, which obviously does not relieve their shock, or the pain that they feel, or the betrayal that I didn't share this with them, and they had to read about the event online, that I should have shared the information with them. But I don't know how to explain to anyone the difficulty it is to admit to someone out loud,to their face the shameful act. I feel like a hypocrite so often because I truly believe in my hear that what I did was wrong. Here is the problem, I am prideful. We all are, we do not like to admit when we do things that are wrong, and to have to admit them out loud to people that we love is even more difficult because though we may know in our hearts that they will still love us, we don't want them to think less of us or judge us for decisions that we made in haste. So to the people that I hurt in the process of my post yesterday, I want you to know, from the depths of my heart I am truly sorry for hurting you and not having the courage to call you and say to you, this is what I did and this is why for the last 15 years I have not been the person you new when you first met me. This broke my spirit and I chose to bury it and live in a world of sadness. I should have shared it with you, been strong enough so that instead of dealing with it on my own, you coud have tried to help me heal. I know it does not change the way you feel now, but I do hope and pray that in time, with prayer and by the grace of God you will come to understand what I was feeling and be able to find the strength the grace to forgive me.
God's blessings and love be with you today and always.
The thing is that over the last year or so there have been many changes in my family. Our family dynamic changed drastically and the people that I love so deeply and have been a part of my life for basically my entire adult life, well their roles in my life is changed now, and this is all new to me. Sometimes I don't know what the right thing to say is anymore, what is okay to say, when is it going to far, because you are not just my family and I don't ever want anyone to feel like they have to choose sides. Marriages are hard, anyone who says they aren't and that they are always full of joy and love and laughter is not being honest. When the fall apart and they crumble to the ground the damage is not only done to the 2 people who are a couple, but the families that loved them both so much and really wanted to see them go the distance. I don't think, or at least I hope, that no one gets married with the feeling that, "Hey I am going to give this a shot, but if it doesn't work out, I always have an out, I can get a divorce" I know I didn't, even though I was very young when I got married, I thought, "Yep, this is him, this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with", and the truth is I felt that in my heart from the depths of my soul, but you know sometimes even the best of intentions are not enough to survive the storms that pass through our lives. Sometimes there is just so much hurt that you can't recover together, if the desire is not there for both people, it just isn't possible to recover together and come out stronger. And even when you know that your marriage is over and you can't go back and that being together is not the best thing for you, you need to let go, it doesn't make it easier. Every day is like a roller coaster. One day you are completely at peace, and the next day something triggers a memory of the life you shared and you can't stop crying and you can't get the image out of your mind. So even though you know in your head the decision you are making is the best for you and your family, your heart may not always agree. I also do not believe it is ever God's will for a couple that has been married in the Church to separate. We may trick ourselves into thinking this, but listen when a priest or pastor says, "What God has joined together let no man put asunder" that is powerful stuff. That is God saying I have joined you 2 for life. The problem is Satan creeps into our lives and we have free will, so instead of putting our faith in God, we succumb to the temptations brought into our lives by Satan, and before you know it we are fighting and we don't know if we still love each other. There in lies our "easy out" of divorce. Even today, I think ....what if God worked some amazing miracle in my heart and in the heart of the person I love, and yes I say love, because it would be a complete lie if I said to you after spending 19 years with someone I stopped loving him in the last 9 months, would I welcome the gift to save my marriage. The answer, if I have to be honest, is yes. Even after all of the pain and hurt that I have felt, to live my life in a fruitful marriage that God desires is my ultimate goal. I understand that at this point, that is probably not going to happen, so I have to continue to move on.
One of the hard things for me is that I had a family associated with my marriage, and awesome family who I love very much. One of the most difficult parts of ending a marriage is that you not only feel like you are losing a husband but you are losing a mother, a father, a grandmother, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews. We all say things aren't going to change, we will always love each other, but as the days pass and the time grows further from the last time we saw each other, little by little things change. You feel like as much as you don't want it to happen, you are losing these people that have meant so much to you little by little. The thought of being replaced is sometimes very painful. Though it has never been said, as it doesn't have to be, the truth is your place in that family, at family Christmas', at birthday parties, at Thanksgiving, at Easter....every important event is now being attended by someone else. It is the way life evolves and we can not control it, all that we can do is ask for God's grace to handle it in the best way that we possibly can. I will miss all the holidays that brought so much joy into my life, but I do have the memories that I will hold in my heart forever. These are people that loved me for me, in spite of my faults or my quirks. I will forever be grateful that God brought them into my life and that I had the opportunity to be a part of their lives for such a long time. They have given me great joy, and loved me, and strengthened me, without even knowing it. I only wish I had been given the opportunity to tell them just how much they mean to me and how much I will miss having them in my life on a regular basis.
This brings me to the post yesterday, as I said, I realized after the fact, which obviously does not relieve their shock, or the pain that they feel, or the betrayal that I didn't share this with them, and they had to read about the event online, that I should have shared the information with them. But I don't know how to explain to anyone the difficulty it is to admit to someone out loud,to their face the shameful act. I feel like a hypocrite so often because I truly believe in my hear that what I did was wrong. Here is the problem, I am prideful. We all are, we do not like to admit when we do things that are wrong, and to have to admit them out loud to people that we love is even more difficult because though we may know in our hearts that they will still love us, we don't want them to think less of us or judge us for decisions that we made in haste. So to the people that I hurt in the process of my post yesterday, I want you to know, from the depths of my heart I am truly sorry for hurting you and not having the courage to call you and say to you, this is what I did and this is why for the last 15 years I have not been the person you new when you first met me. This broke my spirit and I chose to bury it and live in a world of sadness. I should have shared it with you, been strong enough so that instead of dealing with it on my own, you coud have tried to help me heal. I know it does not change the way you feel now, but I do hope and pray that in time, with prayer and by the grace of God you will come to understand what I was feeling and be able to find the strength the grace to forgive me.
God's blessings and love be with you today and always.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Pondering where my life is going...
So the road ahead of me is full of endless possibilities. I am learning to take care of myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally and it has left me to think about what may be next for me. Don't get me wrong, my life is so blessed and I feel such a tremendous amount of joy when I look at the smiles on my children's faces, they are the most amazing people I have ever met, and by the grace of God I had a hand in that. But as I pray, I feel there is something more out there for me, something God is calling me to do. So I am going to share something very personal that I have not been ready to share for a very long time as it was something that I struggled with and was so very ashamed of.
As many of you may or may not know, I am a practicing catholic and I believe everything that the church teaches. Now this does not mean that throughout my entire adult life that this was the case. I will be the first to admit for a large part of my adult life I paid little regard to what the church teaches or concerned myself with doing God's will. I made most of my decisions solely based on what I wanted and what I felt was good for me, didn't really care if God liked it or not. I am not proud of this, let me be clear, but it is true, and I feel I can't write this from my heart if I do not give all truths. There was a point in my life when I was young, 23 yrs old to be exact, that I had become pregnant. I was scared, for many reasons that I will not go into at the point. But I let the fear I had lead to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I decided it was okay for me to take the life of another human being, that was my baby because I was afraid of what it would do to my life if I didn't. People tell you, it's no big deal, it's not even a baby yet, etc. Well people who say that are foolish, life begins at conception and I was too young and naive to realize that. Let me also say this, that it doesn't end when the awful procedure is over, in my opinion the pain is just beginning when you walk out of that clinic. It's too late, you can't take it back and you try very hard to just go on with your life like nothing ever happened. But 8-9 months later you catch yourself wondering, was it a girl or a boy? Would they baby have had my eyes? I wonder if it would have had it dad's smile? A year later you are thinking, my baby would have been walking by now, the next year you think, oh, the terrible twos...how much I miss those, a few years later you think, my baby wouldn't have been a baby anymore and would have been starting kindergarten this year. This continues throughout your entire lifetime. I would have had another teenager in my home right now-would he/she have looked like me, would they have had my personality, their dad's eyes?? Questions that will never be answered because I thought it was no big deal at the time. The one thing I find peace in is knowing that my child had the privilege to bask is the glory of God and that my child is in heaven for eternity with Jesus. What a tremendous gift that is, though I wish I could have taken that day back over and over again. I will say that the last few years have been a tremendous time for healing for me. I was finally able to find the courage in confession to share this with my priest and receive absolution for this, which was such a tremendous feeling of relief. I have drawn closer to Christ and really tried to forgive myself for the choice that I made, it is difficult but each day gets a little easier. I also plan on attending a retreat in November called Rachel's Vineyard that I hope will bring me the closure I need to heal this wound that is embedded so deeply within my soul.
I tell this story because as I mentioned in the beginning, I believe God had bigger plans for me, that he knows that there is something inside of me destined for greatness. I feel as though the calling is for me to return to school and to pursue a degree in Psychology. I would like to be come a Licensed Counselor so that I can help girls/women like myself who have struggled so long with the pain of terminating a pregnancy. I have contacted some schools, and am seriously looking into starting this journey in January. What I ask of you, friends, is that you pray for me and for my family as I know this will not be easy, but that that with God all things are possible.
God Blessings to you all.
As many of you may or may not know, I am a practicing catholic and I believe everything that the church teaches. Now this does not mean that throughout my entire adult life that this was the case. I will be the first to admit for a large part of my adult life I paid little regard to what the church teaches or concerned myself with doing God's will. I made most of my decisions solely based on what I wanted and what I felt was good for me, didn't really care if God liked it or not. I am not proud of this, let me be clear, but it is true, and I feel I can't write this from my heart if I do not give all truths. There was a point in my life when I was young, 23 yrs old to be exact, that I had become pregnant. I was scared, for many reasons that I will not go into at the point. But I let the fear I had lead to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I decided it was okay for me to take the life of another human being, that was my baby because I was afraid of what it would do to my life if I didn't. People tell you, it's no big deal, it's not even a baby yet, etc. Well people who say that are foolish, life begins at conception and I was too young and naive to realize that. Let me also say this, that it doesn't end when the awful procedure is over, in my opinion the pain is just beginning when you walk out of that clinic. It's too late, you can't take it back and you try very hard to just go on with your life like nothing ever happened. But 8-9 months later you catch yourself wondering, was it a girl or a boy? Would they baby have had my eyes? I wonder if it would have had it dad's smile? A year later you are thinking, my baby would have been walking by now, the next year you think, oh, the terrible twos...how much I miss those, a few years later you think, my baby wouldn't have been a baby anymore and would have been starting kindergarten this year. This continues throughout your entire lifetime. I would have had another teenager in my home right now-would he/she have looked like me, would they have had my personality, their dad's eyes?? Questions that will never be answered because I thought it was no big deal at the time. The one thing I find peace in is knowing that my child had the privilege to bask is the glory of God and that my child is in heaven for eternity with Jesus. What a tremendous gift that is, though I wish I could have taken that day back over and over again. I will say that the last few years have been a tremendous time for healing for me. I was finally able to find the courage in confession to share this with my priest and receive absolution for this, which was such a tremendous feeling of relief. I have drawn closer to Christ and really tried to forgive myself for the choice that I made, it is difficult but each day gets a little easier. I also plan on attending a retreat in November called Rachel's Vineyard that I hope will bring me the closure I need to heal this wound that is embedded so deeply within my soul.
I tell this story because as I mentioned in the beginning, I believe God had bigger plans for me, that he knows that there is something inside of me destined for greatness. I feel as though the calling is for me to return to school and to pursue a degree in Psychology. I would like to be come a Licensed Counselor so that I can help girls/women like myself who have struggled so long with the pain of terminating a pregnancy. I have contacted some schools, and am seriously looking into starting this journey in January. What I ask of you, friends, is that you pray for me and for my family as I know this will not be easy, but that that with God all things are possible.
God Blessings to you all.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Tuesday 09/21/2010-why is is so difficult to get out of bed at 5am? Anyone???
So the question of the day is this....why is it so difficult to get out of bed at 5am to workout?? I know in my head what the problem is...I need to get myself to bed before 10:30-11:00pm. This takes discipline! We all lack discipline in certain areas of our lives, and only by God's grace are we able to overcome these areas of weakness and make lasting changes. It is a process. For a very long time I didn't have the discipline to even make to the gym at all, so the fact that for the last 9 months missed workouts have not been an option for me, even though I HATE doing them after work, I have found the discipline to get it done, even when I don't feel like it. My discipline for the way I ate was lacking, but within the last 9 months I have become more disciplined in what I put into my body. Now it is time to conquer the next challenge, the early morning workouts. I know from experience that doing this first thing in the moring is better for me in so many aspects. I have more energy all day, it enables me to eat dinner at a better hour, I am not taking away from the time I can be spending at home at my kids. So today I need to make it a priority to get all of my stuff done and get to bed by a decent hour so that I can get up tomorrow at 5am and work out. I ask this, Dear God, I know that you know my life is busy and I get distracted. I ask you, Lord, to remind me of the benefits of a good nights sleep and what a benefit it will be for me when I am done with the gym by 6am. Lord, when that alarm goes off and I am tempted to reset it for another hour, please gently take my hand and remind me why I am doing this. For the loves of my life, so that I may set a good example for them of the importance of good health and help me rise from my bed and start the day you have blessed me with.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Gearing up for a new journey
Here I am, ready to start a journey that I will continue for the rest of my life. I have, for so long, struggled with so many aspects of my life. From and unhappy marriage to being overweight, to losing weight, to gaining weight, and just never really feeling like I was important enough to take care of or worth it. I don't really know where I lost myself as I live my life, I feel like it was a series of events that continued to pull me away from God and as I kept falling, I didn't know how to pick myself up and move forward. The last year has been full of many changes for me, from the end of my marriage, to the beginning of finding the old me again, that was lost for so long.
So I have been really trying to focus on me and my health and my spiritual growth since January. I have developed a consist daily prayer life and have been making it a habit of working out regularly and eating better for the most part. I have decided this week though that I am going to challenge myself even more, hence the reason for this blog.
On Monday 09/20/2010-I will be starting a 12-week Body for Life Challenge to see how much stronger I can be. I still have 35-40lbs left that I want to lose and I want to push myself to do this by the end of the year. I plan to try to blog daily, sharing my success, struggles, and whatever else I am feeling. I hope that this journey that I am taking inspires others to really dig deep, not only physically but spiritually as well as I know I would not be where I am today without my love of Christ and wanting to serve him.
So I have been really trying to focus on me and my health and my spiritual growth since January. I have developed a consist daily prayer life and have been making it a habit of working out regularly and eating better for the most part. I have decided this week though that I am going to challenge myself even more, hence the reason for this blog.
On Monday 09/20/2010-I will be starting a 12-week Body for Life Challenge to see how much stronger I can be. I still have 35-40lbs left that I want to lose and I want to push myself to do this by the end of the year. I plan to try to blog daily, sharing my success, struggles, and whatever else I am feeling. I hope that this journey that I am taking inspires others to really dig deep, not only physically but spiritually as well as I know I would not be where I am today without my love of Christ and wanting to serve him.
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